April 18, 2011

Open to Open

I was talking to a friend this weekend who was adopted over 40 years ago. She knows nothing about her biological family, but is ready to “go there.” Her own children are old enough now that she feels she can protect them from (in her words) “bringing in any crazy” into their lives. I told my friend of a birth mother (I will call Angie) I recently attempted to contact hoping to get an updated address so we could send her pictures from her adoptive family. “Angie” did return my call and she gave me a current address. When I mentioned how beautiful her baby is, she said, “Oh thanks. I know. The family texts me pictures every week.” How awesome is that? She was, however, excited to get the hard copies and indicated that she knew the family would always attempt to keep in touch. My adopted friend practically had tears in her eyes commenting on how wonderful that type of contact may have been. The discussion turned to closed record laws and how difficult things are for adoptees of her generation. That is in itself a blog for a different day. Subsequent to our conversation I read a great blog on www.adoption.com regarding being open to open adoption. Our agency prides ourselves on allowing birth parents to create their own adoption plan and introducing them only to families that share their vision. It seems though, that most of our birth parents desire some type of contact. It also seems that adoptive families tend to shy away from contact which is understandable, but it doesn’t have to be a scary thing. Birth parents are not waiting in the bushes for a chance to see their babies. They also don’t want to come to Thanksgiving dinner every year. These women are interested and curious about how their children are doing. What a better way to celebrate adoption than sharing the life of the child with the person that gave that child life.