September 05, 2012

When Sad Looks Mad

One of the most difficult trials in parenting is the development of a natural, effective dialogue with your child about their emotions. When your child is frustrated, this will inevitably make you feel frustrated. When they’re angry and can’t clearly, or rationally, communicate their feelings, it can be very difficult to connect with your child on the level with which they truly need you.

Whether or not your child has spent their entire life knowing they’re adopted, or if they just found out unexpectedly at 17, the nature of adoption can and will still conjure emotions of confusion, frustration, anger and sadness. As a parent, it is your duty to help your child work through these feelings as effectively as possible – in a way that makes them feel supported, but also counseled and guided.

We’ve shared videos from Empowered to Connect before, because they have a great video series about adoption and the emotional process for both children and parents. A new one we’ve found is called “When Sad Looks Mad,” and it helps you decipher whether or not your child’s anger is actually because they’re mad, or if it’s more rooted in an inability to fully deal with the fact that they’re sad. Sometimes words are much more difficult to come by then one would think, especially for a child filled with emotions they are having trouble processing.

This video (accessed through the link above), by Michael Monroe, does a wonderful job of isolating these defense mechanisms and providing information and the tools to help parents recognize the root of this seemingly angered behavior. When you are able to stay calm and rational when your child cannot, you are much more able to guide them through these feelings and to help them deal with them in more positive ways. This is a must-see for any parent, but especially one with anger issues.

Do you  have any techniques for calmly assisting your child through their troubled moments?