June 03, 2013
Adoption News Round-up
Here’s some interesting adoption news from the week. On the whole though, they’re less “news-y” and more information and story-telling based. From a devastating adoption process to what to do when your mommy friend group kicks you out, there’s lots of great information here.
We hope you’re having a wonderful weekend!
New book alert! You know we love a good new adoption book, and “The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole,” is at the top of our list. Written by blogger Lori Holden, the book’s main premise is that “adoption creates a split between a person’s biology and biography, and openness is an effective way to heal that split.” Lori is the adoptive parent in an open adoption, and the book features passages written by her child’s birth mother, Crystal, which we find incredible. Although the ins and outs of open adoption are not for everyone, the true hallmark of this book is that it encourages adoptive parents to be really open with their children, to celebrate their adoption and to create an emotional life process that promotes their development in the most whole, healthy way possible. Add it to your list!
Carrie Goldman, of the ChicagoNow adoption blog, “Portant of an Adoption,” wrote a very good article about a mommy-phenomenon you may or may not have experienced. What happens when you’re good friends with a group of moms, and for whatever reason – life, new babies, new jobs, moves, personality disagreements – they push you out? We think of this as an issue that our children primarily deal with. But it can happen as an adult, also, and for moms who really rely on their social groups as a means of having personal and adult time, this can be devastating. Her advice is sound and focused on talks through methods of feeling better if this is happening to you. A good read for any parent!
Chantal Rich, an adoptive mother of two black children living in Tennessee, wrote a very interesting story for XOJane about what it’s like to deal with the many ignorant, rude and inappropriate comments she receives often about being a white mother to two adopted African children. The way she shares her emotions, first expressing shock, then confusion and ultimately just feeling very angry, is honest, poignant, and does a wonderful job of sharing many of the plights adoptive parents have to deal with on a daily basis. While this article isn’t “news,” per se, it’s a good reminder to everyone – birth parent, adoptive parent, transracial adoptee – that you have no responsibility to entertain the bigots you may encounter in your life. Adoption is a beautiful, precious thing, and we applaud Chantal for setting such a positive example for adoptive parents across the globe!
Paul Ryan has recently changed his tune on same-sex adoption. In 1999, the Wisconsin Representative voted in favor of banning adoption right for same-sex couples, but now believes that all children should be able to have a home with a loving parent, no matter what their sexual orientation. “Adoption, I’d vote differently these days,” he said. “That was, I think, a vote I took in my first term, 2000 or 1999. I do believe that if there are children who are orphans who do not have a loving person or couple — I think if a person wants to love and raise a child they ought to be able to do that. Period. I would vote that way.” We’re so happy to see people not only advocating for adoption, but being honest about past decisions and committing to changing their minds for the good of the children. One step at a time!
For The Atlantic, Jennifer Gilmore writes about the long, sad, frustrating domestic adoption process she and her husband endured until they finally received their son. They went through 5 birth moms, even cutting the umbilical cord and bringing one of the babies home, and, understandably, feel let down and saddened by a system that didn’t seem to protect them. Anyone involved in the adoption industry understands the woes of the process: the cost, the potential reality that you may not bring a baby home, what it’s like to have to be rematched, and then rematched again. And while Jennifer and her husband did eventually adopt their son, whom they love very much, their process left scars, ones that she writes about beautifully and in a way that we feel will resonate with adoptive parents who’ve been in their situation.