How Do I Announce My Adoption?

So, how do you tell your friends, family and co-workers that you’re planning to adopt? It’s so important to have this conversation with your partner, because you both may want different things, and you want to make sure that you feel comfortable presenting this information as a united front. First thing’s first, though – however you’re feeling, you do not need to apologize for it. If you’re hoping to go through the process with a bit more privacy and would like to keep the list of family members and friends who know very small, then you absolutely have that right. Some couples feel better sharing the news in person individually, while others may send out an email just updating them on the situation. Be honest with them – these are your closest loved ones, after all – and share that you would prefer to keep things quieter and for them to not share the news with anyone else until you’ve okayed it or done it yourself. You may receive inquiries about why you’ve chosen to adopt – that is no one’s business unless you are comfortable sharing. If you’d prefer not to go into issues of infertility, etc., it’s probably best to have a canned response at the ready, as the adoption world will quickly show you that strangers ask the darndest things! Those who love you will want to offer their support, so be prepared for it, and let yourself feel comfortable taking that…or leaving it, when you choose.

Conversely, you have the right to go all out with announcing your impending adoption. In this day and age, so many couples will announce the arrival of a new child with fun mailers and photo shoots, even parties. Do not feel that just because you are not physically birthing a child that you have to have a more low-key announcement about becoming a parent. Furthermore, photo announcements are always a welcome treat once your baby has been born. Your friends and family, no matter how private you’ve been throughout the process, are no doubt thrilled with this exciting new addition to your life, and sharing that with them is a beautiful way to welcome your new child into the world.

Once you’re matched, just as if you would give news of impending maternity leave, it’s a good idea to contact your employer to let them know your situation and that you will be needing time off in the upcoming future. All businesses have different adoption plans – some better than others, unfortunately. Currently, we know about a company that offers no adoption benefits, but now that one of their employees is planning to adopt, some people are taking charge to petition the company for adoption benefits to be added to their benefits plan. A major cosmetics company has recently updated their adoption plan, giving adoptive mothers 4 weeks off for adoption leave, with the option to negotiate a work-from-home schedule even after the four weeks are up, so new mothers can continue staying at home with their babies, without having to worry about job security or finding alternative care right away. You may be surprised how willing your employer is to work with you on obtaining and securing the adoption benefits that are right for you.

Bottom line: you announce your adoption in a way that feels most comfortable. There is no right or wrong, and there is no shame in wanting it to be a private process, or in wanting to keep everyone in your life wholly involved the entire way. This is your adoption and the life of your family…stay true to what you believe and be confident about your decision. You are doing a beautiful thing!