May 17, 2012

Gay Parents vs. Straight Parents — Flawed Logic

We happened upon a very interested conversation between two acquaintances that was posted on a Chicago Tribune blog. The conversation was about why one of the men felt that heterosexual parents should receive priority in the adoption process over homosexual parents. The man states that his argument is based primarily on the fact that with heterosexual parents children are able to receive the benefits of the emotional and intellectual differences between a man and a woman — unlike with a gay couple, where both partners are the same sex.

He states:

I’m sure I won’t have to fight you to get you to agree that there are general differences (not universal, but general enough to make a difference) between the way mothers and fathers interact with their kids. I suggest those differences are strong enough to justify “my” policy. I’ve never had this discussion with a married parent and seen him/her argue the point seriously. And it’s nearly universal among parents who have both boys and girls, and “get” how very intrinsically different they are.

As a response, the recipient and blogger, Eric, argued that this was prejudicial, and that on those grounds he believed this was a faulty argument.

My second problem with your argument is that the prejudice you embrace is, like the worse and most pernicious prejudices exhibited by mankind, rooted in intuition, anecdote and tradition. Every racist, every anti-Semite, every sexist uses this exact same approach: Observation and experience have taught me that “our way” is better than “their way,” and I see no need even to produce evidence to bolster this “common sense” conclusion.

The man responded, saying that he’s not prejudiced and has no issue with homosexuals or gay marriage, just that he thought two parents of different genders can provide a more balanced home life, and a better parenting situation for a child, than two parents of the same sex.

While one could make the point that a mother may relate more similarly to a daughter, and a father to a son, to impose this logic structure only on homosexual couples is flawed in that it doesn’t account for the other ways someone could use this thought process to negate other potential parenting situations. If you employed this logic, you could then say that white parents couldn’t raise a black child, that black parents couldn’t raise a Chinese child, that a mother couldn’t relate to a son, that a father wouldn’t fully understand his daughter, and that no parent could appropriately raise a child whose sexuality differs from their own.

If we could only parent children who are the same as us, the adoption world wouldn’t exist. Parenting couldn’t exist in any form. It’s the diversity of perspective and world experience that enables people to raise children in enlightened, supported and loving families. That’s something we’ll always stand behind.