October 01, 2020

Helping Your Child Self-Regulate Their Emotions

Self-regulation, or the ability to ensure that you’re in a healthy emotional and mental state, is a skill we all deserve to have. Emotional regulation is not something we are born with. This tool is built from structure, balance, and consistency at a young age. However, children who grow up in unpredictable environments or lack a stable caregiver may struggle to self-regulate. If this is the case for your child, what can you do to help your child healthily manage their emotions? 

When a caregiver or parent actively and quickly tends to a child’s needs or soothes them when they are upset, that helps your child realize and internalize that their needs will be met. Adopted children can come from unstable environments where they have developed an unrealistic expectation of how quickly a caregiver needs to respond. If you find that your child is having difficulty self-regulating, it’s crucial to seek therapeutic support. Their inability to control their emotions could affect more than just their relationship with you—it can manifest in a lack of stable friendships, falling behind in education, and lead to anxiety, depression, and withdrawal. 

The capacity to self-regulate is not set in stone. All children and young adults can develop this essential skill if given the right environment and support. Parenting for Brain likens a newborn child to a car without brakes. The “brake” has to develop, so when a child is upset, they don’t always press the “gas” pedal straight into an emotional meltdown. That’s our job, as parents and caregivers: to help press the brake, calm them down, and teach them to do the same. 

Our children will go to school, engage in sports or extracurricular activities, get a job, and become their own person, but the foundation of their emotional development begins at home. Next time your child is struggling to regulate their emotions—step in and apply the brakes. And then teach them how. 

To learn more about the science behind child development, explore this presentation from the Harvard School of Education.