July 21, 2016

Why Nothing About Adoption Means “Giving Up”

First, let’s set the record straight: birth mothers PLACE their children for adoption. They don’t “give them up.”

When a birth mother chooses adoption, she chooses to PLACE her child in the best possible situation.

To PLACE them with a family who can provide everything they could ever want for their child.

To PLACE them in a life that is filled with love and support, where they will be safe and taken care of.

To PLACE them in a life filled with opportunity, where they can thrive, learn, gain knowledge, and reach their fullest potential.

To PLACE them into a family structure that is surrounded by love on all sides: love from their adoptive family and love from their birth family. That’s more family than most kids get.

Placement shows a child that they are loved beyond words, that their birth mother loved them so powerfully that she wanted them to have everything in the world.

Adopted children are not given up on.

They are not given up period.

It is the opposite of giving up. Giving in, giving to, giving love, giving faith, giving hope, giving chance, giving opportunity, giving family, giving home—yes.

So next time you are thinking about what to say to a birth mother and how to say it, think about your words. Think about what it means to identify a child as having been “given up,” or to identify a birth mother as having “given up.” Adoption is a partnership. It is a commitment between two families to give a child unconditional, unending love. That plays out in so many different ways, but at its very heart is so much love. The birth mothers of the world don’t hear it enough. Next time you’re in contact with a birth mother, thank her for her selfless, courageous act, and let her know she made the right choice and should not feel judged for the decision she made as a mother.