birthmother hotline Adoptive Family Help Line

April 05, 2021

Reuniting With Your Child

Depending on your adoption plan, there may come the point where you get to see and spend time with your child after they’ve been adopted. Maybe you will have regular visits, or perhaps you’ll reconnect again when they’re older. Either way, it will be a powerful, emotional moment that you’ll want to give yourself time to prepare for. 

Every adoption story is unique, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to yours. Reuniting is very emotional. Some children will feel excited and curious about meeting their biological parents, but others may have a feeling of indifference or confusion. As painful as some choices can feel, it is essential that you respect your child’s wishes and boundaries.

No matter what age your child is when you reconnect, you can likely expect a few things to happen as you get to know each other again: 

  • Awkward moments. It’s okay! You won’t be the only one feeling this. It will take everyone some time to get in a groove in your new relationships. Don’t beat yourself up. Know that whatever happens, you’ll be able to get through it. 
  • Varying levels of emotion. You, your child, and your child’s adoptive family will have a lot to process. Don’t be discouraged if emotions aren’t overwhelming or present like they normally would be. There are no right or wrong feelings when you’re reconnecting.
  • Differences may arise. This is your birth child, but their personality or beliefs may be different from what you expected. That’s okay. Get to know them for who they are, not who you expected them to be. 

We tell the birth mothers in our community to be ready for everything. You’ll want to take your child’s lead, based on their comfort level, and try to understand the complex emotions they are feeling. Ultimately that’s who your meeting should be about: your child. Don’t force anything, and make sure that you and the adoptive family monitor the child’s emotions, so your time together stays as safe, peaceful, and happy as possible. 

We love this piece from Considering Adoption featuring birth mother and family resources designed to enhance and promote a positive and successful reunion.